She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize