Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
