So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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