Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
