please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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