DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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