Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
