my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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