Umm I'm too high to move.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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