I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
