State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize