He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
