Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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