I faked an abortion last night.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
