Can Purell be used as lube?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
