no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
