they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
