90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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