there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
