i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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