Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
