I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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