i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
operation have a gay friend backfired
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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