Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i dont even know how to be here
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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