Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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