I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize