Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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