You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
