it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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