Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
