so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize