i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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