I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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