I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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