This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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