you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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