I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
