We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
