You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
