OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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