Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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