good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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