the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
