Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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