you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
