I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
