i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
