So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize