I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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