Did you just see the Batmobile???
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
