if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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