I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
