I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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