don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Too much gin, very little bucket
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
