I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
