dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
