i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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