If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
