I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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