HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
