there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
