Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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