its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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