I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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