Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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