Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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