haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
