Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im holly from the hills drunk
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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