she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
