I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Do you have feelings for this penis?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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