So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
