OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
pray to the hookup gods
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
