Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
being pregnant is like rehab
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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