I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
