Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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