You can't motorboat a personality
It's like God shit irony all over that family
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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