So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
