im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm both gender and math confused
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
