Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
zippers are such a cool invention
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
