Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
