I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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