I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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