Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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