ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
