using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize