god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
