i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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