well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
