you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
