you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize