Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
