Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize