I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
