I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
